Blame Paramount. Blame Hallmark. Blame Advertising.
Contrary to popular belief, not all women are excited about planning a wedding.
It happened. After dropping verbal (not so subtle) hints, casually showing Pinterest photos of rings, and straight up asking when we’re going to get married, my wonderful fiance proposed on November 27, 2013.
…Now, I can’t pinpoint exactly when it happened, but after the initial excitement of telling family, friends and Facebook that I was newly engaged and so in love, my excitement was quickly replaced by complete overwhelming (and at this point secret) fear.
First of all, it was almost as if my wonderful fiance expected that since I am a woman (and a woman obsessed with Pinterest) that I had this perfect vision of what I wanted my wedding to be like… complete with color palettes, perfectly crafted party favors, and my wedding dress already on hold. Of course, I know all the right questions to ask each vendor we’re interviewing. And when anyone asks me “what I envision,” I have the most eloquent, detailed description on the tip of my tongue.
Confession #1: I have no idea how to plan a wedding.
I mean, it’s not like I’ve done this before. I have no idea what questions are important to ask vendors. I’m going to Google everything about wedding planning and hope that it’s from a reliable source. I will act confident, even though I’m not. I will remain calm, even though I’m FREAKING OUT on the inside. And most importantly, I will not admit that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing because I’m just supposed to know, right?
Confession #2: Not all women have thought about and planned their wedding prior to their engagement.
Sure, I had a Pinterest board and whimsically thought about what my wedding might be like – without ANY consideration of budget, time and reality. What it comes down to is the thought of a winter wedding is so romantic and beautiful, but I live in Wisconsin and I HATE the cold and the snow. And while I would love to have 200 handcrafted, personalized party favors for my guests, I am far too lazy, clumsy and short tempered to actually accomplish that. Reality is, just because I thought about having a wedding before, doesn’t mean I really thought about it…
The first clue that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing was when I went wedding dress shopping for the first time. I tried on probably 10-20 wedding dresses. Every one that I put on exhausted the same reaction from me, “Oh my gaaawwwwddd. It’s sooooo pretty! I feel like a bride!!!!” …Well, no shit I feel like a bride, I’m wearing 20 lbs of tulle! After an hour and half of trying on all the dresses that made me feel like a bride, I was overwhelmed, confused and holding back tears. My mom told me, “You’re going to look beautiful in every wedding dress. You need need to think about what you envision!” …It was those words again: “what I envision.” While I was screaming on the inside, I smiled and nodded in agreement because, after all, I’m a happy, excited bride-to-be!!!!
The dress shopping is just one of many examples that lead me to bite my tongue and pretend to be a gushing with excitement over planning my wedding.
The Break Down
Finally, it happened… I completely lost it. I had held in my secret for 5 months, and I couldn’t take it any longer.
I called up my fiance in the middle of a melt down. I was ugly crying… you know what I’m talking about: eyes bloodshot and puffy as if you haven’t slept for weeks. Snot running straight out of your nose down to your chin. And mascara EVERY WHERE.
I confessed to him (and myself)…
Confession #3: I’m just not excited to plan our wedding! *cue uncontrollable tears*
The rant went something along the lines of: “I just feel like you think I should know what I’m doing and I don’t know at all. And I’m not one of those girls who’s had this all planned out and have this perfect vision of what I want. And it’s absolutely no reflection of my feelings for you… i love you so much! you’re so amazing! i don’t know what i’d do without you! but I have no fucking clue what I’m doing! WAAAAAHHHHHH! I just don’t care about chair covers! It all seems so over the top! What is the point of this?! Why do I need to color coordinate linens to prove to people I want to spend my life with you?! Damn society and social expectations! We should elope! Screw the system! WAAAAHHHHHHH!”
My dear fiance probably realized at that moment that he was marrying a crazy woman. (I’m so sorry honey!)
After being in denial and finally coming out about the fact that I’m just not that excited to plan a wedding, I’m actually starting to look forward to it… A LITTLE.
- My fiance told me to “not worry so much.”
- My best friend told me to “think about it as a big party.”
- My sister reminded me that “Whether the wedding is big or small, I’m always going to feel like it’s completely over the top.”
- My mom assured me, “You have over a year to make it exactly what you want it.”
…And they’re all right.
It’s important to not get caught up in what you think you should do. It’s important to remember why you’re getting married in the first place. It’s crucial to making planning an enjoyable process by not getting overly stressed about it. It’s supposed to be fun, but you have to allow yourself to have fun with it. 😉
I wanted to get this out there because I am sure there are women like me out there who are freaking out over the same things. And to those ladies, I will tell you:
Confession #3: It’s normal to not be excited. It’s ok to not know what you’re doing. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to marry your fiance. Everything will work out.